11/8/10

I like to try new things.  Oh well, I'm curious. They say curiosity killed the cat.  Should I care?  We're all going to die anyway right?  If I die from curiosity, I don't think it's going to hurt.  I just want to close my eyes one day, go to sleep and never wake up, let my soul transcend peacefully to the other side, completely satisfied with the life I've lived.  I do believe it's possible, which is why I get up everyday to pray.  To pray that I'm making the right decisions and being led in the right direction.  I had to get my mind right.  For a long time, I was in a bad place, doing things I had no business doing.  Now I'm here.  I know right, so I do right and that's all I can say.  I saw the movie produced by Tyler Perry, For Colored Girls and yes, I've considered suicide at the end of my rainbow, on numerous occasions as a matter of fact.  I thought when I had my son that would all be over with and I would never experience those feelings again because he would give me a reason to live.  He has given me so much more than that, but yes, the feelings came back and I considered suicide once again, overburdened and overpowered by this thing we call life.  I didn't want to go on.  I found a place.  A place in my mind that keeps me safe and here is where I stay in his holy presence.  When I keep my mind stayed on him, he keeps me in perfect peace.  Not to say that I don't have my moments but by his stripes I am healed and he guides me right on through, shining the marvelous light.  For all of the women who have considered suicide at the end of the rainbow, stop looking for that fulfillment in someone else and find it within yourself.  It's there.  We just have to look and be willing to go through the process.  It won't be easy.  You may loose one friend and gain a dozen.  It's all worth it in the end.  Choose life.  We've been given this wonderful chance to live it.  Don't let any one steal your joy and tell you you're not worth it.  Jealousy is an ugly enemy.  Learn to recognize it and be discerning.  Everyone who calls themselves a friend is not one.  We used to be able to count on the phrase, if it clucks like a duck and walks like a duck, must be a duck, but now a days there are some strong actresses and actors out there in rare form  Be careful and be the light.  Shine and be seen.  Find your purpose and fly little bird fly!