Thursday, March 31, 2011

I have to take the time to ask myself several questions.  I have to take the time to explore all of my doubts and not just ignore them, in hopes that they go away.  I'm in a predicament.  Some say I'm lucky, however, this certainly doesn't feel like luck.  It feels like muck, like I've been demoted to be promoted.  I see the work that God has been doing in me and he's given me a vision.  Not sure if I like the path.  It's taking too long and I'm running out of patience.  However, I've explored all of my doubts.  It's time for me to move on, whether I like what God is whispering to me or not.  I've tried to ignore his voice.  I've tried to do it my way.  It didn't work.  So now here I am ready and willing, feeling like I have no other viable or attractive choice at this point, totally and completely satisfied that I've explored every last one on my wild oats.  God is looking at me grinning and saying to me, I told you I had a plan for your life.  So calm, so collected, like he's been sitting around bored waiting for me to get it together, so we can go ahead and do this thing.  Well, I'm here now.  That's all I can say.  I'm here now and I'm ready to move forward.  In spirit and in truth, I embrace all that I've become and all that I aspire to be.  I am ready for the journey.  I'm headed down the right path and there is no turning back.  I am grounded in my purpose and I know the things of God are true in my heart and in my soul.  I hold these things deeply.  Forever and ever, amen.

Feminism

Some may call me a black modern feminist.  I don't know where that title came from.  I do have my feelings about men.  Issues that remain unresolved, that have some how turned on their own into the I am a woman hear me roar anthem.  And that's okay, I let them. I don't want them resolved.  I purposely let them run rampart because someone out there deserves to feel the brunt of my wrath.  As a woman, I've been done wrong.  I won't complain about it.  I know that it is what it is and I have to keep it moving.  Still the fact remains.  Don't expect me to be happy about it. Don't expect me to be friends with you once the forgiveness is done.  Yes, it's for me and I claim it fully.  What have I done?  I have to take responsiblity for that as well.  I sometimes don't pay attention.  I get so wrapped up in me and that's the truth.  I can be honest about that.  I feel safe in me.  I feel warm and loved when I'm in me and that's I place I just love to go.  Call it excuses.  I don't mean to hurt any one.  I'm just telling you the way that I am.  I don't hate all men.  I have a wonderful son that I adore and am so in love with in that Mommy kind of way and a fiance who puts a smile on my face most days.  It is what it is, right.  I've stopped looking for perfection.  I don't believe it exsists.  All I know is that I am me and no one else.  I don't try to be someone I'm not.  All that I am and all that I strive to be is an inner reflection of self.  All that I've been through, has made me who I am today.  I am disciplined and I am strong.  There's no need to be mad about it.  I'm moving on and I'm letting go.  I'm allowing myself to be crazy, wonderful and feminine me.

Kisha Deniece