December 31, 2010

Dear Reader:

Today is last day of 2010.  Tomorrow will be 2011.  As I look back and reflect, there's a lot of stuff I have a sister girl attitude about.  Tired of this, tired of that - about to throw away this and throw away that.  I paused in my steps recently and realized I needed to be humble.  It's important to be humble.  I'm going into 2011 realistically and with no regrets.  I don't want  any more sugar coating.  I don't want any more lies because people think I can't handle the truth or they're not man or woman enough to deal with the consequences of telling it to me.  I can read right through the lies and though I may not voice my knowledge upfront, I'm taking note and I'm making moves.  Please do not mistake my silence for dumbness.  I know what's really good.  I'm just thinking of the right strategic way to find myself up and out into a better situation.  I have to handle things better in 2011.  I find my mouth getting more and more foul recently.  I just want to curse anyone and everything.  It's sad.  I have a two year old.  I pray Jesus cleanse me.  I think really that's exactly what he has been doing.  All of the things that have been bottled up inside are finally coming out and I'm stepping into my season of renewed energy and strength.  I have been praying and meditating fervently and keeping a journal for my emotional thoughts.  It's time to let go and time to release.  Whatever has been bothering me and festering is going to go away.  I'm not scared anymore to fight back.  No one's going to hit me and no one is threatening to take my dignity away.  That person can't hurt me anymore and he can't touch me.  I am a full fledged woman and I dare a man to even look at me sideways.  You had better ask somebody.  I'm not a weak person.  I may be vulnerable in some ways and I may be soft.  All I know is that my past may have slowed me down but it did not stop me from being my best.  I have 48 more years to live on this earth approximately, unless a freak accident occurs.  Let's rock!  2011 is my year.  I'm taking no prisoners and I'm no longer bound.  Let's do this!

One Love,

Kisha Deniece

Dear Reader:

I am up to my head in disgust.  Sometimes, you don't want the truth to be true.  You want someone to argue with you and prove you wrong so that it doesn't hurt so much, but when someone confirms it and throws their hands in the air, like oh well, now you know, no need to put on this front like a fool trying to pretend any more. It kind of feels good because you know the charade is over, but then it's a scary feeling because you just don't know what to do.  I need some one's advice and their insight, the truth about what they see, not some sugar coated candy explanation designed not to make me feel bad.  That's real nice and sweet and all, but it's not good for my growth and prosperity in this world.  I'm going to make it.  This much I know.  My situation is not that bad compared to others and I know that God would never place anything in front of me that I could not handle.  He sent me his only begotten son to get me through life and I'm not going to take that for granted.  I'm appreciative and I'm thankful.  That much I know and that much, I can stand on.  Until next time, be strong.

One love,

Kisha Deniece

11/26/10

There are so many scams out there, sometimes you have to wonder what to believe and not believe.  Too many wolves are being dressed in sheep's clothing.  Jesus has promised to see me through.  He didn't promised what I would go through would be pretty, nice or even cute.  That's alright though.  I know I've been equipped with the tools to see me through whatever trials life has is store.  You take the good with the bad and then you move on.  People keep asking me, aren't you upset about this, doesn't this make you mad, why aren't you running around pissed off basically when so much shit is wrong with your life.  In other words how can I be so much at peace, pleasant and with a smile on my face -no visible anger in sight.  I am upset, don't get me wrong.  I am at the limit.  Here, in this place I can control it.  It's when I'm out of place that my upsetness gets the best of me.  Not going to happen, since so many inquiring minds want to know.  It's called self restraint.  It's called being an adult and moving on.  It's called having a positive attitude.  I know so many people expect black women to be "different".  I'll leave it at that.  I'm still grounded in my roots. I just know that tomorrow will be a better day.  You do what you gotta do to get through.  Trouble don't last always, as the grown folks would say.  One day death will have it's say.  Might as well enjoy what you can and make the best out of life.  Smile.  It doesn't hurt and it produces a chemical relaxant in the brain.  Let your endorphins flow and leave all the drama for tomorra.

Peace and love,

Kisha Deniece

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful, to remember that we are blessed, despite the sometimes gloomy circumstances that surround us.  Far too often, we forget to give thanks and we just dive into that turkey, not taking the time to remember what Thanksgiving is all about.  Family.  Friends.  It's important that we love each other and let each other know just how much we mean to each other, not just during the holidays but, 365 days a year, 7 days a week.  With the rash of recent suicides publicly in the news, it makes me think that something just isn't right.  We are responsible for each other.  We are responsible to let each other know that we love and appreciate one another.  If you are a friend, a parent, a family member or a person with breath and you're not doing that for someone else, I implore you to check yourself and ask yourself, what's really important in life.  Some people will be spending the holiday season alone.  Give and remember to be thankful for something in your life.  All of us can find a little something, if not a big something to be thankful for.  Be blessed.

Love,

Kisha Deniece

11/22/10

Sometimes, I feel like giving up.  Sometimes, I feel like throwing in the towel.  There's one thing that keeps me going and that's the ever encouraging voice that I hear in my head.  The one I've learned to not only call on when things get rough, but to rely on through the good times as well as the bad.  I'm sitting here listening to that voice right now tell me that everything is going to be okay and that I'm going to be pleasantly surprised with what the future holds.  I hold that voice so near and dear to my heart and I pray.  I anticipate that day,  that day when I'm pleasantly surprised.  I hope it comes soon, quick, fast and in a hurry.   I'm tired of waiting.  It's not like I've been saved all of my life.  I certainly have not.  Some things take some time to manifest.  I'm still trying to get my life together, to clean up after the storm so to speak.  Slowly, but surely, I am getting there.  Never give up.  Leave it out of the equation.  Giving up is not even an option.  More like embracing the truth or giving in to what you know is right, holy and acceptable before the one you give your praise - that's what it is and it is wonderful.  To all the light that has shone, to all the stars that keep on shining, I say thank you for paving the way.  Happy Thanksgiving and have a wonderful life.  Forever and ever always.

Love,

Kisha Deniece

11/15/10

Sometimes, all it takes is a look back to see how far you've come for a little encouragement.  I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in the fact that we're not where we want to be that we forget to relish in the progress we've made thus far from where we used to be.  Life is a journey.  We spend 90% of our time  actually getting "there" and only 10% actually enjoying "there" before we're off to find another "there".  It's a vicious cycle we must all recognize in order to find some peace and quiet in our soul.  It's our inner man that can really take hold.  We're getting mad at this one and that one, this thing and that thing when we're really just battling our self.  Our mindset, our thoughts are the things that we must really get in check before we can lead a productive and fruitful life.  If there is one thing we can learn from celebrities, who have shown themselves less than perfect, is that money and fame truly can't buy you happiness.  If you don't do the work on self then money and things are just playing as a cover up.  You can spend it and spend it and still end up miserable inside.  A peaceful soul is priceless.  It's more valuable than jewelry and gold and all of the worldly possessions any man can have.  Besides, what good are worldly possessions without the peace of mind to really enjoy and appreciate what you have.  It's kind of like, what good is it to have a bunch of stuff if you have no one to share it with, which is why we have to be mindful of how we treat one another, especially our loved ones and friends who we value more than anything.  Until next time, peace out and remember to love and be love.

Sincerely,

Kisha Deniece

11/10/10

I'm not supposed to say this.  I'm not supposed to say anything.  I'm supposed to keep everything to myself all bottled up inside, like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.  Not going to happen.  We all need an outlet.  Writing and prayer happen to be mine.  I think too many of us are walking around with unresolved issues, especially black women.  I don't care who you are, white, black, blackanese, asian, hispanic or whatever, rich or poor, we all have experienced something at one point or another that has left a major scar on our spirit man.  It's not the end of the world.  We can heal.  Even from rape and incest, there is a way to be set free.  So, don't give up.  Keep searching for that peace, for that inner sanctuary, that place where you can go in your mind where you're free and whole.  We have to stop looking for fulfillment in material things.  They are what they and that's just things.  They are nice to have, but they don't fulfill our inner needs.  That can only be done through inner reflection, prayer and mediation.  Things should be the manifestation of us made whole, however too many times, we're trying to front like we're whole, using things to cover up the scars or our wounds.  Time to do the work ladies and gents, especially to my brothers and sisters.  The world needs us to be strong.  We can't go down.  We've been through too much and the only way is up!  Be blessed.

Love,

Kisha Deniece

11/8/10

I like to try new things.  Oh well, I'm curious. They say curiosity killed the cat.  Should I care?  We're all going to die anyway right?  If I die from curiosity, I don't think it's going to hurt.  I just want to close my eyes one day, go to sleep and never wake up, let my soul transcend peacefully to the other side, completely satisfied with the life I've lived.  I do believe it's possible, which is why I get up everyday to pray.  To pray that I'm making the right decisions and being led in the right direction.  I had to get my mind right.  For a long time, I was in a bad place, doing things I had no business doing.  Now I'm here.  I know right, so I do right and that's all I can say.  I saw the movie produced by Tyler Perry, For Colored Girls and yes, I've considered suicide at the end of my rainbow, on numerous occasions as a matter of fact.  I thought when I had my son that would all be over with and I would never experience those feelings again because he would give me a reason to live.  He has given me so much more than that, but yes, the feelings came back and I considered suicide once again, overburdened and overpowered by this thing we call life.  I didn't want to go on.  I found a place.  A place in my mind that keeps me safe and here is where I stay in his holy presence.  When I keep my mind stayed on him, he keeps me in perfect peace.  Not to say that I don't have my moments but by his stripes I am healed and he guides me right on through, shining the marvelous light.  For all of the women who have considered suicide at the end of the rainbow, stop looking for that fulfillment in someone else and find it within yourself.  It's there.  We just have to look and be willing to go through the process.  It won't be easy.  You may loose one friend and gain a dozen.  It's all worth it in the end.  Choose life.  We've been given this wonderful chance to live it.  Don't let any one steal your joy and tell you you're not worth it.  Jealousy is an ugly enemy.  Learn to recognize it and be discerning.  Everyone who calls themselves a friend is not one.  We used to be able to count on the phrase, if it clucks like a duck and walks like a duck, must be a duck, but now a days there are some strong actresses and actors out there in rare form  Be careful and be the light.  Shine and be seen.  Find your purpose and fly little bird fly!

What If Tomorrow Never Comes

I was thinking about what I was going to do today in the here and now to make my life better.  We think so far ahead sometimes in the future, not knowing for sure what that future's going to be like and if it may ever come. I believe we have to live more in the here and now.  If we take the steps now, the future will be ensured anyhow.  If we think about it too much, it may never come or we may be disappointed when it does come.  What if we die tomorrow, then what?  We'll be gone and our loved ones will be left behind.  Never go to bed mad and never leave a room angry.  You may not wake up or ever have a chance again to go back into that room.  Simple rules of life.  Why can't we adhere?  Why do we let emotions rule us and do things that we later regret.  Why can't things be perfect?  What's up with all this live and learn?  Time is so precious.  We must not waste it on frivolous unneccessities of life, for they will drain us of the very essence of being.  Our purpose in life is to be our best, no matter what that may be for each one of us individually.  Be your best and watch the truth set you free every time.  It works.  It has to.  It's the law of the land, this great and wonderful world created my a mystical force.  Call him or her what you may, but work it out and always remember to seek the truth.  Riches and wealth will follow.  It's been proven, tested and it remains to be true.  No argument can attest the truth.  It is what it is.  Shine from within and diamonds will flourish from the depths of your lands.  You body, the earth.  Your mind, heaven.  You mindset, GOD.  Who else would it be?  Enough pondering for me. 

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

10/26/10

Things are not going as expected.  Things are going better than expected, but no one would ever know it.  Some things, you just have to keep to yourself.  A wise man once said that it is not wise to tell everything thing you know and then one countered with, if you know something, it is your duty and your obligation to share that information with others.  Not all the time is what I believe.  Sometimes you have to pick and choose.  People get real funny, sometimes violent and belligerent when you tell them the truth.  They try to kill the messenger so to speak and sometimes, it's just not worth it.  You have to find someone who cares, someone who loves you and will give the world to you and that someone has to first come in spiritual form before it can manifest itself  into something physical.  You have to find that special someone on the inside of you and then and only then will your world begin to look brand new.  Remember the glass is half full not empty.  It's a choice.  See the world the way that special someone sees you.  Peace and Blessings. 

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

10/25/10

Today is one of those days.  Feisty, testy and seeing the down side loud and clear.  No matter how hard I try to stay positive, I can still see the negativity creeping in, reminding me that there is doom and gloom lurking ahead and positive is only a chance in two.  There's also the chance that things may not go as planned because for every positive action there is a negative reaction, just like for every negative action, there is a positive reaction.  One person suggested this was a passive way of looking at things. I beg to differ.  I think it is a very realistic way of looking at things.  We can't always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we react and what we do in the circumstances we face.  It's important to always react positively and when we fail to hit the mark, then we must learn from those mistakes and next time we're faced with an adverse problem we can handle it in a different way.  That's just the way life is and we must learn to deal on all levels.  We can't just roll over and die.  No matter how you look at life, one can always find something to live for.  Even when negativity tries to creep in, we can choose how far we let it go into our lives.  Be blessed and stay strong.

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

Accept your Purpose

It's been a long time and I don't want to underestimate the power of what a woman holds.  Some things can be considered crass.  How can I address this without being too crazy about it?  I don't want to offend anyone.  Ish happens right?  It most surely does.  Sometimes I question my purposed on this earth.  Surely, it's more than to procreate, have babies and please a man.  That's not it.  I moved to the south 5 years ago and that seems to be the common consensus among both men and women as to the purpose of women on this earth.  I don't buy it.  Because of that, I stand out like a sore thumb.  Not something I would normally care about.  Nowadays, I'm looking to settle down.  I want to be in a place where I feel comfortable.  I don't think that's too much to ask.  Here is not where I'm from, however, I think it is where I'll end up.  Time for acceptance- of self, of current circumstances.  You can't change what you cannot accept.  One must accept it first to change it.  That, I truly believe.  It's about looking at it realistically for what it is and then seeing what you can do about it.  I truly believe that.  We were all put here for a purpose.  What do you believe?  Something to ponder.  Until next time, peace and blessings.

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

10/21/10

You ever notice how someone can take what you say and totally construe it's meaning. Then you wonder if other people get it or if this person has totally made you look like a fool. Well, it is what it is. I always say no foolishness and B-A ness. I can't take either one for myself, so I'm moving on from that today and on to something else bigger and better. I'm truly hoping my life gets better soon.  I feel a lot of promises creeping up in my soul and I've been envisioning a better tomorrow. Right now this transition I'm in seems frightening. It is what it is though. It's not like I've never been in this place before, scared of the unknown. Sooner or later, the truth reveals itself. This time I believe it will be something deep and grounded in my purpose. I'm not just going to go into any job to work. This time it's going to have deep and profound meaning. A meaning that was not present in any of my other jobs. I just have to keep pressing towards the mark and keep my spiritual woman in tact. She's thriving these days. I just want for what's on the inside of me, this joy unspeakable, to manifest into something tangible. Not that my life is not already filled with blessings, I just have something more in mind. I know that I'm destined for greatness. "You're never going to be anything. You're never going to amount to anything. You're just going to get pregnant and never go to college and blah blah blah..." I know those words all too well. I did go to college and I did graduate. I feel like I always have something to prove. Even though I know the truth of my being for myself. There's always someone questioning and doubting what's really on the inside. I'm going to let all of that go. Life is too short to let the devil get you down. Peace and blessings and always keep your head up.

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

10/20/10

Today is my niece's birthday. She is so precious to me. I used to keep everything to myself. Now, I'm opening myself up in this blog and sharing my feelings with the world. I wonder what the hell am I doing and if I should stop, but for some reason, I keep going on and on. There are a lot of people in the world who can benefit from another person sharing their soul. I am moved by the number of teen suicides recently presented in the news. I was suicidal when I was a teenager, mainly because of what was going on in my home, not school. I'm glad that phase has ended in my life. It tried to creep up in my adulthood, but I was able to overcome it by realizing that someone out there thinks positively about me and I about them, even if it's just one person, it's worth living for. You can get so caught up in thinking no one likes me, everyone hates me, blah blah blah and however that may be true about some people, you don't have to worship them and allow them to rule your life. Be strong and keep on living. There's no other way. Peace and blessings.

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

10/19/10

I have not made it off the block. I have not made it to the promised land. Life is a journey. Just when I think I have one problem solved, another problem arises. If it's not one thing, it's another. Even when you have Jesus leading and guiding you, problems still arise. You're just better at dealing with them. I wish problems would just leave me alone. I'm tired of dealing with problems. I'm tired of dealing with adversity. I just want my life to be smooth, free and void from adversity. I guess that's not realistic. One thing I've learned is that there will always be someone doing better than you and someone else who is worse off, but who are we to say really? Who are we to judge who is better and who is worse? It's just a matter of our personal preference in a lot of cases. Who creates these standards? The bible is a good reference to start. I know reading it has enhanced my life and I plan to continue over and over until the word sinks in and becomes embedded in my soul. A lot of it already has, but I still have a long way to go. My heart is good, but my soul is weak. It wants to move and do what it wants to do, be easy, breezy and free. I let it in most cases and maybe that's my problem - lack of self control. Ahh fewie. I just want to be me, I just want to be free. I can't fit into this mold that others have defined for me based on some preconceived notion that doesn't take into account my history, background or even what I know for that matter. I'm free from what people think of me. The only one that matters is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is the only one who thinks of me and I'm cool with that. Everyone else can have their opinion, but I don't have to worship them or allow them to rule my life. I know that's right. One love people. Be blessed.

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

10/18/10

Today is a new day, so they say. Yesterday is gone and today is here. Tomorrow may or may not come. So what am I going to do with this time spent on earth? One day, I'm going to close my eyes and go to sleep. My body will perish into the earth and my soul will enter into another realm. I'll be able to see life as it is, but I'll never be able to come back and reclaim it. I don't want to have any regrets and I don't want to end up one of those haunting spirits wishing I could come back. I want to enjoy the afterlife. Sit back relax and be thankful for a job well done. On to the next. No more looking back. No more hoping and wishing. I have to do things right. What if you never get a second chance? What if this is it? My imagination runs wild. All I can say is that I'm human. I've made some mistakes. Some I can never take back. I'm moving forward now. My soul has been restored to its natural state. I want what God has for me. In Jesus name, I pray and meditate unto him. I know not what tomorrow may bring, but I know what I can do today. I know what I can do right now to ensure my future is bright. Whether my efforts mean anything or not, I know what I have to do and in the end all things work together for the good for those who are in Christ.

Love Always,

Kisha Deniece

When the Love is gone

When the love is gone and you're just co-existing
In the same house and no ignition
Nothing's on
There's no spark
He asks if you want to stay parked or move
You just give him this blank stare
Because inside you haven't been happy in a long time
And the void that will be created on top of being unhappy is too much to bare
So
You just give a blank stare
Refusing to acklowlege
Refusing to deal with the situation
Hoping it will fix itself
He'll make the decision
Your hands will be clean
Eyes fixed in a Blank stare
He's still there
You're still lonely
He's still waiting
For an answer
You tell him to leave
Over and over in your head
You scream Leave, but,
He's still there
All you can give is a blank stare
Start the ignition
Move
You stay parked
Hoping for a spark
One more day turns into weeks turns into years
In your grave never really having lived life
Never having allowed yourself to experience the true love you deserve
Constantly going through strife
Turning over left and right
It ends right now
Tonight
Coming up out of fright
Blank stare
We'll talk about it tomorrow
You want to stall
You have things to do
No time for this interruption
Blank stare
He's still waiting for an answer
Frustrated
He gets up to leave
You find yourself busy doing something else
You try to empty your mind of thoughts
Deal with it tomorrow you tell yourself
Tomorrow is a new day full of new possiblities
Staring blank into an epiphony
What if tomorrow never comes?
Blank stare into the rising sun.

Uncertainty

I've been feeling a little blue lately
Wondering what's the point
I stay positive
Keep it moving
Only to be slighted
Not even the simplest look
Tossed aside
Moving on to the next
What did I do that was so wrong?
How did I end up here?
No one wants to answer my questions
I'm deemed a trouble maker
Someone who won't go along with the status quo
You know you're wrong
I'm not allowed to say
No I won't play
You're stupid game
It's all just a test
My character at it's best
I can keep to myself
I don't have to tell all
This is not a book
I can't stand to look
Into the eyes of evil
I may get drawn in
The past has its arms around my neck
Threatening to choke the life out of me
If I don't give in
To what exactly
Failure?
Never that
I was made to win.

Emotional

Like a roller coaster
Up and down
Spinning
Tossing, turning
My stomach's in a knot
Is this a woman's plot?
The end to my story
Ends in drama
I don't want to wait to find out
If it's too difficult to take this plight
I'll opt out now
Untie my feelings
Up in a knot
This doesn't make sense
Endless drama dance
I feel led to repent
An endless doom
My life
May end too soon
If I keep going on like this
I'm not afraid to pay the consequence
For me to know and you to find out
This endless drama is soon to be a drought.

Anticipation

Waiting for something or nothing
Sitting around thinking about
What could have been
Should have been
Without you
I am nothing
A perfect 10
Washed a shore
It is no more
A total bore
Lifeless
Without breath
The air I breath is stifled
A vacuum
Filled with a suction
Venomous
Waiting to take my life
The anticipation is killing me
I can't take it any more
The pills, the knife
Which one will lead me quickest to the shore
The lonely place where I will exist no more
God is here
He is in this place
Open you heart
He's waiting to adore
The lovely vision that is you
Enjoy life
Someone loves you
Thinks you are the world
That someone is you
What are you going to do
Don't leave yourself waiting
Open your heart
You knew from the start
Now it's said
It's done
No more fast and heavy
On the run
Slow your pace
Walk hand and hand
Your man
Your woman
That someone is your God
Worship him
Worship her
Adore
All that the world has in store
To give up too soon
You'll miss the perfect moon
Full and in tune
With your name inscripted across it's heart
So perfect
So wondrous
You knew everything from the start.

Faith

Is it really blind
Walking around in lost emotion
Trying to figure out if
I'll get thrown in the ocean
Along with those nobody wants
Is it my doom
An endless life of doom
Faith
Where is it?
Why do I have it?
How did I let it go?
Somewhere between disappointment
And things not happening
My faith got thrown away
Now I'm just a stray
Wondering from here to there
Not having a care
Nobody cares about me
No one ever showed me
How do you show love to a blind man
Someone who can't see
You give them something to hold on to
Something they can feel
Smell
Touch it
Faith unspeakable
That's me
Maybe in another life
On another planet
My soul in another body
Dwelling happy
In this one I reside
Rolly polly
Tossing and turning
Over and about
Faith
Please come find me
I'm lost without you
Signed,
Hopeless me.

Enticing

This feels so right
Deep down in my soul
I feel a movement
A tingling sensation
Something I can't describe
Riding on this vibe
You can't take away
This feeling in my soul
Take hold
And never let me go
I'm so in to you
I want you to stay boo
Forever and ever
I'm in to you
And I'm digging your style
All the while
Feeling blushy from your smile
Everything you do
I'm so in to
Round and Round
Dancing this rhythmic
Sycopated jig
I don't want it to end
I'm so in to you
So diggin' you
If you only knew
How you make me feel
I don't think you'd want to steal
This feeling away
It's you want
It's you I desire
Deep down in my soul
I'm so in to you
Take hold and never let me go.

Balance

In the center of my mist
Light sprayed
Smelling sweet
Oh what a treat
In the midst
A light lovely spray
So cool
So refreshing
Leaves a lasting impression
On my heart
One of love
I knew from the start
I could not deny what I felt
In my heart
The feeling
The awesome and amazing sensation
It's all a matter of creation
Devine representation
Of Man
Fine
So devine
Immaculate
Temptation
I try to resist
I can't
I'm mush
All he did was push
My button
Right
On my spot
Now I'm hot
I can't stop
Don't want to stop
I let it begin
Too late for it to end.

My God

My God is awesome
He is mighty in every way
I often brag about my God
He comforts me and encourages me to stay
In his gentle arms
I am safe
I know he won't lead me astray
When times get tough and things get bad
I can count on his ever loving hand
To hold me through the storm
Provide cover and shelter until
Things get warm
I love my God
I am flattered by his generosity
His kind words that have meaning
I love the way he makes me feel
My God is for real
I know he thinks highly of me
My God is filled with flattery
I love my God for this very reason
My eyes
They won't stay shut
Always wide open
Hanging on his every word
He whispers in my ear
Some call it intuition
I call it divine intervention
If it had not been for his love
I might be someone shattered
With no wings
I could not fly like a dove
Easy and free
High up above
These clouds of misery
Dwelling upon earth
He saved me from
Having to endure the
Wrath of endless company
Someone who doesn't love me
Thank you my God
For all you have done
All you continue to do in my life
I pay homage to you
With my lips I say thank you
With my heart and soul
I give you my all.

Childish

This behavior goes on and on
We go back and forth
Like two children bickering
Two children who don't know the meaning of life
You say you love me
I know it isn't true
Don't be mad boo
Because I see right through you
Endless lies of deceit
You say things you never mean
Just a game you play
You say
Those precious words
They roll off your tongue
Like they
Don't mean anything to you
Just a game to play
I'm not a toy
I have feelings and they hurt
However
I won't wear them on my sleeve
You won't be my pet peeve
You mean less to me that way
I hear you talking
You see me walking.

Endless

I can't stop
It won't stop
Sometimes I wonder if
I even want it to stop
I'm caught up
And it feels so right
Comforting
Though,
I didn't ask for this plight
There's a price to pay
A life without
That thing that matters a lot
To a lot of people
It matters not to me
I don't have it
Here with me
In my possession
It might as well not exist
In my mind
It ceases
Perish
Without me
You are nothing
The yin to your yang
You are the air I breathe
Together we make money
Together
We're sweet as honey
So happy
So nice
This vibe
Warming up
We need some ice
To cool it down
Call in the clown
The fool
Entertaining is only part of it
A guide
I'll see you soon
On the other side of the moon.

Boredom

We do a lot of stupid stuff out of boredom
Stuff we won't mention
Stuff we need forgiveness for in the morning
Stuff that causes us to loose a friend
Then pretend you never needed them anyway
Moving on is hard to do
Find something in life to add the spice
There's too much going on to be bored
Pick up the reins and take charge
Beging to barge
Into the the things that make you nice
Feeling good and not so cold as ice
Loosen up
Get a grip on what matters
Sweat the small stuff then thow it out
In the trash
Where it belongs
No one's taking that long
Really
To figure it all out
No one really cared from the start
Just nosy over the top
And wanting to drop
Your name out their mouth
Think before you speak
Unkind words mean you're weak
Not strong enough to stand on your own
You've got to put others down
Then claim you're grown
Such childish behavior
How can you endeavor
To claim
You love me
Lies, lies and more lies
You looked me in the eye
And told a lie
You're weak
I'm on a streak
Good bye
I tried
You made me cry
Tough it up
Too bad
It's all over now
And I'm glad;

Patience

Sometimes I think
I am all alone
I feel
Like I'm floating
In an endless abyss
I try to do right
I end up being the spite
Of
All those around me
They look at me with that wandering eye
As if they will get back in time
What did I do to you
To create such an endless unrest
Of undue feelings of injustice
Set upon feelings of vengeance
Set upon an attitude of cruel intentions
I'm sorry
I do apologize if I've offended
However, I have to keep moving
I will not be the brunt of someone's joke
Taken for a ride
On your assembly line
Is it that I'm too assertive
Do you not like how I question
Your so called authority
It does not reign over my life
The Lord is to whom I give my life
Take it or leave it
I'm not going through any more strife
Not for you
Not for anyone else
We get this one life
To live or to die
That is the question
I have to be here
Might as well make the most of it
I'm doing well
Why does that make your nostrils swell?
Check your heart
Check your mind
Then come back to me and be kind
Until then have a good day
Have a good life
I'm closing the door
I don't have to let you in
To control my life
It's mine
I breathe
I win
I continue
To get it in.

Going With the Flow

In and out in a rhythm
I can't fathom this psychoism
I'm wondering
Is it all worth it
Or am I just doing things
Things that lead to nothing
An endless abyss
of nothingness
What am I to do
Without you
I can't breathe
I can't be
Me
Who I desire
Who I crave
This is endless
There's nothing else to it
If only for a time
You're mine and only mine
There is no one else
I can't let myself think
Beyond the pulse
Beating in a rhythm
A flow
An endless psychoism
This thing of the mind
In time
You will see
As I see
You'll understand
Beyond the vail
Under the endless person
There's a spirit
One that's not to be messed with
There is a spirit
One of Love
All of those things above
You will have wished
If only you kissed
And never cursed
Things would be different
But here they are the same
Here they will always remain.

Soft

I may be soft
You're pushing on my buttons
Now what to do
I may be soft and you're pushing on my buttons
Trying to get a reaction
But
It may not be what you want to hear
My dear
I may say something to upset you
I may smile and be pretentious
All the while preying on your ill intentions
Towards me
What do you think?
I don't see
I see you
You see me
I'm so soft
Go ahead touch it.

Ironic

It's ironic how things turn out
Never thought I'd be in this place
It's ironic
Although I feel peace
The devil's trying to turn me out
I can't stay in harmony
Perfect doesn't exist
Always someone
Trying to lead me astray
I ignore them
Keep my head on straight
Never looking back
I know where I'm going
Headed down the right path
Now it's time for the truth
To rear it's ugly head
I could have chosen you instead
A deep ugly lie
I don't want to die
Through pain and suffering
Simply close my eyes and go to sleep
I won't live it
I won't even try
Tell the devil bye bye
He can't have my life.

Peace

It's mine
And I won't be left out
God gave it to me and it's mine
Favor
That's what I call it
I won't apologize
For
I deserve it
Permeating from the depths of my soul
This peace
I take hold
I cherish it and I keep it dear
Near to my heart
From the start
I knew
It was mine
In time I would find a way
To make it secure
No one can take this peace away
It's mine
And it's here to stay
I pray
I give thanks
In honor and homage to the one
I've paid the cost
No need to toss
And turn
At night
I close my eyes
Peace takes over me
I'm safe
He can't hurt me anymore
I'm an adult
The day I walked out that door
It was closed
I can't go back
Believe me I tried
The familiar
I wanted to see
What's new is so much better for me
It's easy, breezy and feeling clean
No more drama
No more pain
Just peace released inside of me
Breathe
In and out
Through my soul
So comforting
So right
I have to keep it tight
My peace
I'm never letting go
With the flow
I ride
Forever and ever
Until the end of time.

Work It

Going to and going fro
Back and forth
Do a twirl
I'm feeling you
Your vibe
Your smile
It's all such a marvelous style
Work it girl
Do you
Don't let anyone tell you
Do what you do
Make it strong
Make it long
Make it last
Forever
Don't sweat the small stuff
Get it in
Stay tough
Be motivated
To stay
Do let anyone tear you away
Or lead you astray
Work it
Girl
It's your world.

Moving out the Way

I'm here
Deal with it now
I'm not in your way
Your mind is blocking
Your blessing
It's coming in a flood
If you just let go of yesterday
God can bless you with something that's good
Here we are
In a daze
Trying not to give in to the craze
Of normalcy
What is that any way?
You and me
We're two different people
You see
One way
I see the other
It's called perspective
Who's right
You or me
Or does it matter
All of this meaningless chatter
Where do we end up
Caught up in an endless mess
Of love
Of feelings never realized
Until that dying day
When we wish we could
Turn back the hands of time
We won't be able to
Do what you do and do it now.

Evil

It permeates.
Me doing you
You doing me
It permeates
I need to stop
I can't stop
Won't stop
It's brewed
Like a warm cup of tea
I'm ready to drink
Sweetened just right
How soothing and smoothe
It massages my throat
I prayed to be delivered
You kept pushing my button
It's set now
To the "on" setting
It can't be turn off.

Insight

From the depths of my soul
I feel this energy about to take hold
I don't know what to do
Which way to go
All I know is that I have to get away from here
Towards something I hold dear
This is not it
This is not what I want
In the meantime,
I'm trying to see the light
Too bright to let misery take hold
In this life, we only get old
To go off to a better place
A place called afterlife
Heaven
On earth
Peace on earth
If we have to be here
Might as well make the best of it
Turning lemons into lemonade
One, two, three, four
I'm going through the door.

Upset

My button is pushed
Are you happy?
You have sucessfully got me there
To the point of no return
So there
So now
Are you happy?
Do you feel good about yourself?
Are you crying inside
Looking for some company
To help soothe your miserable self
Well, I'm here now
My button is set
What are you going to do?
Now I have to sit here and listen
To pointless banter
Whines and complaints
I can do nothing about
Shut up
Get it together
I'm upset
Now
What are you going to do about it?

Do You

Those are just words spoken
Taken as a token
For something more meaningful
Do you means
In it's essence
To not care what people think
To do what's best for you
In the long run
Who's life is it anyway
When all the chips are down
And you fall
And you are at your worst
Who is going to be there
Is it not for your own selfish gain
Is it not for theirs that they would tell you to do
What's not right for you
Moving on
Doing you
It's the right thing to do
For you
Not them
It's your life
It's your strife
Go through it to get to it
In the end...
Then what
What will have all been worth
Or for
That is the question
Let no man tear us asunder
Why even bother
When life simply ends
The question is for those who will come after us
The legacy that's left
Should we really be concerned
What about the lessons learned?
So many questions
So little time
Breaking off
To do me
In time.

Be About It

Sitting here thinking about life
and
Where it's brought me thus far
Made some mistakes
Made some wrong turns
Now I'm here
And I am not afraid
Not afraid of anyone
Not man
Not God
No, not even God
For I know him in an intimate way
The bible says fear the Lord
Why?
He will never leave me or forsake me
He's not going to hurt me
I am not afraid of his loving grace
Or to be in his presence
I welcome the Lord
I yearn for his comfort
Forever I will always be
Inclined in such a way
God,
I thank you for this day
For breath in my body
Breathing in and out
It is here
I will always stay.

The End

I thought I was through
Here I am again
At the end
Bored
Thinking I can't go back
Here I am again
Bored
Wanting to get
Into trouble
Do something on the double
Just because
I'm bored
Undone
Here I am
Looking for fun
Don't want to be bothered
In the end it won't matter
Now I'm here looking crazy
Twiddling my thumbs
Where's my gum?
Bored
Undone
The end
It's so overrated.

Understanding

It doesn't make it right
But, I do understand
However, I can't have you in my space
I understand,
But it doesn't make it right
I don't mean to be trite
And
I'm not trying to start a fight
I understand
But,
That doesn't make you my man
Get to steppin'
Move on
All the love has gone
I understand what you've been through
But,
You're not going to put your hands on me
I understand your mother left you
I'm here and that's not my fault
I understand you've never had anyone to love you
I tried
You shied away from me
I understand
It's not right
I've got to take care of my heart
So, I'm saying goodbye
Forever and ever
Have a good life.

Connection

Feeling the vibe
I see you
You see me
Instantly
We connect
Our eyes meet
And it's our destiny
To be together
To be as one
Caught up in the rapture
Of one another
We don't want to be bothered
With the world
With the naysayers
Who say this will never work
We are one
You and me
Our destiny
Caught up
You and me
We were meant to be
Together
Forever and ever
And a day
You and me
We will forever always be
Connected
A connection
Sent by God
Ordained and set
This is kismet
It can't be broken
No one can take it away
Forever
You and me
It was meant to be
Forever and ever
It will always be
You and me
I know it sounds crazy
I can't help myself
Caught up in this rapture
I don't want to let go
For the record
Let it show
This love is real
It's the deal
You can't steal
I'm done
Satisfied and content like a good meal
Ready to go
Rest in his arms
Let it all subside
In time
Forever mine.

Vibes

Sometimes I don't want to be bothered
God has given me this gift
Sometimes I feel like it's a curse
I want to let it go, but I can't
The flow is just too much
In and out
All around
I want to cry
But I'm way too tough
I want to let it all out
So, I cough
And try to remember a happy time
When my life was on track
I fell into disappointment
So not what I expected
Still I can't be down
I can't drown in cries and endless tears of
Woe is me
I can't do it
And I won't
Just have to keep on steppin'
Keep on moving
And hope for the best
Leave all the rest
In God's hands
He's gentle and kind
No doubt, he's mine
If God be for me
I pray for those who are against me
I let it rest
Be put to the test
What goes around comes around
You better believe it
If you don't
You'll find your self in a bind
Unable to be untied
Forever and ever
You'll surely die
In an abyss
When all you can do is reminisce
About a better time
A better place
Heaven is where it's at
Pure peace
Pure contentiousness
A river flowing of joy
Far Far away from here
I reach out my hand
Just to touch
The hem of his cloth
Then I will be healed
From all the hurt and pain
I've learned to mask
You'll never know what's underneath
Unless you dare get to know me
Most people don't care
I find that they stare
Anyway
Moving on
I have no time.

Engineering

Putting things together to make things work
That thing that God does
Oh
Been through this
Been through that
Weathered the storm
Now I'm dry
I'm through
Messing around with you
A complete waste of time
Doing me
Not doing you
Just kidding
I'm playing the fool
All the time
Round and round in a rhyme
I'm not who you think I am
In time, it will all be revealed
You'll be astonished
Wishing, regretting
Reminiscing about how you did me wrong
Thinking back
You should have treated me right
It's okay
Vengeance is not mine
It's much greater
The wrath of the Lord
All I said was a word.

Feelings

Emotions running wild
I can't seem to contain
These feelings I have inside
Make them go away
So emotional
This ride
This vibe
I don't want to pass
In time
It will all make sense
I can't breathe
I can't move without you
In and out
In a vibe
Moving through and through
I just can't make it without you.

Judgement

When that day comes
You won't be the only one
Standing before the pearly gate
Hoping and wishing
That your deeds rang true
Something good
He did for you
Were you thankful
Were you not
Did you judge too harsh
Did you put up bars
Where you should have put up bridges
Wait a minute
Who are you kidding
We all judge to some extent
Whether we're wrong or right
Careful or trite
It doesn't matter
Judgement
It's a simple way of life.