Done

Am I really done
or is this just another song
I'm singing unsung
don't want to be bothered
don't want to be inundated
with the problems of life
trying so hard to be free from strife
it keeps finding me
or I keep finding it
either way I'm about to get a knife
no, I said that cause it rhymed
I've been free from suicide for a long long time
I thank God
for his mercy is great
ever lasting
he's so good to me
never late
his blessings always come on time
right when I need them
I can't complain
just take it all with a grain
of salt
I try to stay away from
It's a burn to my wound
don't rub it in
I might die too soon.

Interesting

It's interesting how I see things
It's interesting how I can inherently be
so in to me
Like a summer's day
easy, breezy and not caring about what others think
their meaningless opinions and judgements about things they don't even know
It just goes to show
you gotta do you at all times
even when it doesn't rhyme or make sense
trust the God in you
he always leads the way
to see another day
the light will shine
on and on with time
never stopping till the break of day
and on your marvelous way
to another place, another time
where everything will be just fine
no worries, no off banter candor to throw you off track and out your way
do you
it's the best you can do
all day every day
that's the way
the one and only way
to the King, to the master
He's waiting
He's ready
Are you?

Friendship

Wondering in and out
How I've managed to turn this thing out
without a care in a world
having feelings for no one but myself
so into me
not selfish
but not better than
me
I'm sitting here trying to agree
with this egregious behavior
I can't conceive
to be anything other than me
egregious
though it may be
I'm not here for anyone else
not seeking anything that's not of Christ
just want to be into me
I can
because I've paid the price.

Understanding

I lean not to my own
understanding
I lean not to my own
way of life
with God in control
I can't go wrong
I lean not to my own
decisions
I lean not to my own
I lean not to my own
God is in control.

Changes

Everything is permeating in and out of my soul
Threatening to take hold of me
Everything that glitters is not gold
So they say
I often know
The truth
If I tell it is what the question is
What will I do
Keep it to myself
I'm going through changes
Somethings are not meant to be told
Take hold
Grab it, be bold
It's an embarrasment
A fluke
A faux
It should be elminitated
The truth, I'll hold dear to my heart
If I dare to tell it, I'll surely die
With no one to protect me
I'll go hide
In the presence of his majesty
I'll surely be safe, for he is with me
Forever and ever always.

Happiness is a State of Mind

Moving into this state
that was once blocked by a gate
blinded by indecision
and my inability to wait
I am here now
basking in his glorious presence
letting his residence take place in my mind
It was only a matter a time
I'm here now and there's no stopping me
filled by an evil spirit
delivered and replaced
by his glorious essence
thank you Lord for taking the time
to renew me
body and mind
you've been nothing but kind
now I'm here and it feels so good
paradise
it's all a state of mind.

Living my Life

Living my life to the fullest
not caring about people's opinions
wondering if today will be my last
chances only come once in a million
I'm not pretending
no time to be fake
I need to heal this deal from the inside out
no more cakin'
no more takin'
what I can get if it's it not worth it
grittin' and grindin'
no more wastin' my time
and one more thing
One more thought that's on my mind
I have to be kind
no longer caring if it's taken for weakness
It's just a sign
as God as my witness
tomorrow is never promised
just today, just the here and now
coupled by yesterday
moving forward is all I can do
and I have no time to beef with you
Just doing what I need to do and moving forward
on this path called life
tired of going through strife
It's natural
It's who I am inside of me
this body is a temple
for my spirit to dwell
one day I'll be gone
and what will it all have been for
another life
another waste
I won't let that be me
I'm here to make a difference
something to live for
something to make of my life
and no one's going to tell me
no one's going to make me
no one's going to get in my way
of what God promised me
today forever and a day
I'm here to stay.

Coping

It's all I can think about
when things don't go right
i've been through enough
to make my skin tough
it's not the streets
it's not the hood
it's not the ghetto
I'm so misunderstood
it's my upbringing
the people in my life
I'm tired
of having to go through strife
of having to explain to you
if you don't get it
go on with that attitude
i'm not in debt to you
don't owe you anything
It's just me, myself and I
till the end of time.

Trust

You're looking at me
I'm looking at you
with that sparkle in your eye
I can't deny
put my feelings aside
this love affair
has me flying sky high
my feelings asoar
what's wrong
feels so right
I don't want to take on this plight
the guilt
the sparkle will soon dwindle
the flame will stop burning
and this seemingly valent attempt at love
will leave soon an empty void to fill
once again searching
once again looking
trying to find
and never coming to an end
I don't want to be with you at this cost
you're not the boss
of me
I will find someone to love me
I will find the God in me to play
one day and you'll find your self astray
wondering and wishing things didn't end too soon
never gave yourself a chance
now you end up in an undesireable circumstance
I won't listen to the lies
It should take you as no surprise
that I have my own mind
this love affair
didn't end too soon
it ended right on time
with you on my mind
I can never make the same mistake twice.

A Good Man

A good man doesn't lie and cheat
A good man doesn't take you for granted
A good man doesn't touch you only under the sheets
A good man is hard to find
A good man is out there and he's waiting for me
to get it together
it's all a part of God's plan
I'm ready and willing to recieve
I'm hoping and wishing
that good man will find me.

Meatless

In my body I can't consume
The taste is just too much
It makes me go to the bathroom
and heave dry heave
everything toxic
everything I can't bring up
I don't want this in my body anymore
I can't live
I can't absorb
the life that once lived
dead and inside of me
so toxic so unclean
please
get it from inside of me.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is for you
we want God to forgive us
the one unforgivable sin
blasphemy of the holy spirit
it's done
it's deep, it's within
my soul
I'm led by the holy spirit
guided by a higher power
blasphemy of him
the ultimate sin
the unforgivable
the most detestable
the unjustifiable
I'm moving
I'm shaking
I'm going on
unforgivable
I can't even begin...

Revenge

Looking back behind me
like I'm scared of the dark that lies in front of me
moving forward in an abyss
a world of unknown
I accept the tragic truth
I take it as a spoof
a fool
a joke
a poke at life
cause it's so funny to me
I can't take it seriously
It's so beneath my character
wondering why I even give it the time
of day
comic relief
making fun of the fun in me
it's not that serious
life
it's beneath me to think
that you're telling me the truth
when all you do is spoof
and spit lies
when the proof
is in the pudding you eat
didn't think I would find it
you sleep
I creep
get back
it's mine to keep.

Inhaling and Exhaling

Never felt so good
to be at peace this way
I'm getting out the way
making room for my destiny
moving all of my dreams to fruition
keeping my sanity in tact
a good night's sleep
a smile on my face
totally entranced in a vibe
taking it one step at a time
got my money on my mind
all I can think about is doing this thing right
no more room for distractions
just a simple laugh
I'm moving on anyway
nothing can hold me down
I'm too bold
I'm too strong
stop
you're wasting your time
I can rhyme all day long
breaking out in rhythms
syncopated psychoisms
breaking it down in simple terms
so that you understand
I'm like a fern blossoming and blooming
so right
I feel so tight
gotta get this body right
my temple
where my spirit dwells
moving in and out of this zone
trying to keep warm
afraid of the cold
creeping in and out
trying to avoid a snow storm
from pouring down icy rain on my heart
I knew this from the start
God had it confirmed
he's so good
so real
so manifested in my life
I'm through going through strife.

Another Day, Another Dollar

Another Day
Another Dollar
one more way to may you holler
in and out
turning all about
a senseless maze of unfulfillment
working like a robot
making movements to get it out
spit spit spit
work work work
another day, another dollar
one more thing to make you holler
what happened to the dreams?
what happened to the eyes so bright?
tainted by reality
slapped in the face by a painful truth
another day, another dollar
one more way to make you holler.

Cruelty

If I've been evil
I'm sorry
If I haven't been so nice
I'm sorry
If I don't pay attention to you
I'm sorry
and if I've made you mad
I'm sorry
Life is hard enough without us bashing each other
love, peace and harmony
is what I strive to be
anger mixed with pain mixed with lies and deceit
I'm sorry if you've been placed on my receipt
I apologize for all of my wrong doing
for everything I've excused as justifiable
I'm sorry if I haven't been pliable
Time will only tell
Only a witch can break this spell
all wrapped up in rapture
mesmerized by your smell
captured by your smile
I'd walk a mile over and over
to have another chance
if only for a little while...

Minding My Own Business

Minding my own business and it feels so good
never staying stuck
never hood
I'm minding my own business
to you I just don't care
never getting involved in someone else's affairs
never appreciated
never wanted
I keep my good advice all bottled up
resevered and used for myself
I'm minding my own business and it feels so good
never staying stuck
never hood
I'm minding my own business and it feels so good
I used to brood
I used to get upset
wanting better for someone else when they've got to want good for them self
I'm minding my own business
Forever and ever taking care of myself.

My Hair

My Hair is nappy at the root
It grows wild
crazy as a fool
my hair is not considered pretty
nor is it beautiful
chemical processes make it straight for a while
then it grows
crazy as a fool
chemical processes all over again
tame the wild
jungle girl
they cry
go back to Africa
Brought here in chains
whipped
not equipped
my ancestors paid the price
now I'm treated not so nice
in a place where I must assimilate
or feel the ice
from cold stares
the mean glare
not pretty not long
nappy root
if you're not like me you're ugly
who set the standard
for such decrepit candor
so rude
so mean
so unclean
nappy hair
it's totally me
underneath the perm
the braids the twists
at the root
coarse and so wild
so free
so easy
black is beautiful
believe me.

Drama

I can do without it
It makes me drowsy
and sleepy
somewhat gives me a creepy
feeling
I don't want any part of it
minimal contact
for me
easy and carefree
a life drama free
I can do without it
for me
my best interests at heart
knowing what's good from the start
I can do it on my own
I can do it myself
one foot in front of the other
baby steps
one at a time
flowing like a rhyme
one two three
step
then step again
drama and me
we don't agree.

Being at Peace

I'm at peace with me
no longer forced to pretend
he's not my real daddy
all the hurt, all the pain
all the evil and dirty looks
it all makes sense to me now
you're not my real daddy
I can be real with me
I don't have to pretend
I don't have to fake like this works for me
I don't have to go around playing like
you're one to me
a daddy
you're not
my daddy wouldn't treat me so cruel
my daddy wouldn't make me feel like a fool
my daddy wouldn't look at me the way you do
make me feel unimportant
that's totally uncool
my daddy is a mystical creature to me
somewhere in heaven looking down from above the clouds
watching and protecting me
keeping me safe and warm
away from harm
my daddy is not you
my daddy is not cruel.

Hate

Permeating through your soul
like a vile needle
stuck with a sticky substance
into your skin
piercing the flesh
the flow
moving slow
through the blood
mixing in its' essence
making you high
on a drug
addicting
making you want to scream
making you want to go out
of this seemingly endless world
of pain
of disdain
of all things
raining down big droplets of blood
the ultimate price for sin
I want to go within and never come out
I want to go within and shut the world out
within is where I find it
peace
everlasting
never ending
peace is where I find it
at the end of the rainbow
covenant promise
this life this world
I'm not of it
just a spirit being
here for a while
won't waste my time with hate
pulling out the vile
God's only child.

I got it

No need for idle stares
I got it
No need to talk about me behind my back
I got it
No need for you to suck your teeth
I got it
No need for you to look over at me
I got it
Now let me give you something
I don't care
This life is too short
It's too much
It's too wonderful
It's too great
Turn your hate into love
Stop trying to perpetrate
I got it
Do you?

Focus

Pinpoint and get it in
stayin' on the grind
making this thing
called life happen
in the blink of eye
I could die
be gone for life
never remembered for anything
except having gone through strife
striving and never getting
getting and never satisfied
where's the point?
pin point
focus
get it right.

Wondering Why

I'm wondering why I'm here wrapped up in this mess
I'm wondering why I keep finding myself in distress
despite the many wondrous things God has done for my life
I keep having to go through strife.
I'm wondering why it doesn't feel so nice
and in my mind I want to be cold as ice
I can't close my heart
I can't be hard
I want to be mean
but I can't
just need to let off some steam
I'm wondering why you keep looking at me with the cocked eye
like I did something to you in a past life
I'm wondering why you keep spitting fire
when I'm sitting here minding my business trying not to perspire
I have tough skin so I'll stay and take the heat
I was born in the kitchen, u trying me...lol
straight heading for defeat.

The Lord

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want
Ye though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death
I will not fear.
I will not let a punk ass bitch
get in my face and tell me what to do
Lord as you can see
I need you
Lord you are my light
my life
Lord
Lord
Lord
What would I do without you
Lord.

My Buttons

Pushing on my buttons
I can't lie
something just doesn't feel right
You're pushing on my buttons
And I'm getting tight.
You better back up
unless you want to fight
all riled up
in a b-boy stance
ready to get it on
and prove myself
if given the chance
but for what I ask myself
I know
I know and that's all that matters
If you've got to figure it out
Go to God
He heals all wounds
He will set free
He will deliver
stop looking at me
I'm not him
I just know where to find him;
In the secret place of my mind
it took time
now I'm here
and it feels so good
just wish the whole world understood
his mercy and his grace
so wonderful
so free
so beautiful to be me.

Meditation

Meditation on my mind
moving into this state
like a gate
it's in front of me
protecting me
blocking you
from my territory
keeping it to myself
picking and choosing those who I let come in
into the inner chambers of my mind
the place where I dwell
me and the God in me
moving and shaking
making this thing happen
nothing in this world
is too big
nothing in this world is too much
I can't touch.

Moving On

Thought I had it all figured out
Thought I knew what life was all about
then it hit me
like a new moon.
it came too soon
now I'm here
just singing the blues
and no one wants to hear it
but you
thoughtless complaints
moans and groans
it means nothing
and it's giving me a headache
when no one cares
and you're unwanted
just singing a song that falls on deaf ears
and wanting to be what you want me to be
but I can't, you see
I can only be me
molded and shaped
by the God in me
molded and shaped by my destiny
moving on
I can only be me.

Not Worried

I'm not worried
Why should I be?
In a world undone
we're all going to die one day
skip hop and dip into heaven
like it was made for me
a place so soft and sweet
my destiny
I'm not worried
why should I be?

I Am Woman

Hear me roar
Hear me cry out in a jungle voice
of a love unheard
of feelings hurt
and not cared about
no cares
no one understands
my pain
I bottle it and keep it inside
scared the scars might be salted
by the mean and uncaring
I'm moving
moving on to bigger and better
to a world all my own
in the secret place of my mind
a place unknown
a place of peace and harmony
destined for me and only me
taking it one step at a time
caring and careful
wondering and wonderful
wanting and unwanted
a place for me
me and only me.

Bored

Bored and undone
What in the world have I become?
Holding on to this life
The only thing that's dear to me
I want to run
Take in the sun
And disappear into paradise
I want to feel the ocean waves splash over me
Get a hold and take over my soul
Splish splashing into the night
Making sweet love and it feels so right
What have I gotten myself into
This fetish, this thing that's not right
Feeling like I just might
Run
And never turn back
I don't want to see the tear
Drop from your eye
When I'm gone
You'll miss me
Take me for granted
You'll miss me
Don't appreciate my presence
You'll miss me
And I won't look back
To see the lonely tear
Fall from your eye
Hit the ground
While I touch the sky.

To Each's Own

It's really none of my business. If you want to do this or if you want to do that, go on ahead. If you ask for my advice, I might give it. If I see you about to fall, I might warn you, but if you choose to go on ahead, I'm not going to break my neck trying to stop you. That's God's job and I'm not him, so I mind my own business. I keep to myself because quite frankly, not everyone wants my advice and I completely understand that. But don't be mad at me for not being mad at you because you don't want my advice or anything else I have to offer for that matter. Sometimes, people just want to have power over you. They say they don't like you, so you try to change. Who are they to say what's likable and what's not and who cares what they like? I'm not catering to the jackass. I just won't do it.

Moving on. I like that phrase. It's deeper than forgiveness. It's deeper than letting go. Not only am I going to forgive you, but I'm going to get over you and get on with my life. I'm not going to let what you did bother me and I'm not going to let it stop me from living an abundant life. It's called healing and he's called Jesus, if you didn't know. Jesus will work miracles in your life if you let him. Some say he's just a fairy tale like the tooth fairy or Santa clause. But, I've experienced him in the spirit and that's enough to make me believe in his power and his grace. There's no one like him and you've just got to experience it to believe it. Peace out.

Love,

KM

Staying Motivated

Finding your purpose gives life so much more meaning. It makes all of the little things seem like what they really are, "little". No more drama, no more name calling, no more getting upset, no more arguing because I think the moon is yellow and you see it orange. It doesn't really matter. We can all still enjoy the beautiful view no matter what color each of us sees it.

Life can be so fulfilling if we're willing to change our perspective. If we're willing to see our cup as half full rather than half empty, we can always get more. We can enjoy the abundance that God has promised to each and every one of us. No matter what our circumstances, no matter what our past, things can always get better. We just have to keep striving towards our goals and never stopping until we get what we set out to get; always remembering to stay flexible and in tune with God's will for our life. If something is not happening the way it should, perhaps it's not God's will for your life or perhaps you need to turn in a new direction. No matter what the solution, the answer can only be found in him. He is the light and the way. No matter which God you choose to worship, having a spiritual base is always key to a healthy and happy life. Until next time, Peace and Blessings.

Love,

KM

Work with what God gave you

Why do people try so hard to be what they're not? It's an absolute waste of time. It's an absolute waste of time going after something you'll never get, when you should just just be thankful for what God has already given you. You want what they got and they want what you got. No one is ever satisfied. No one is ever happy. Only the strong with survive. It's survival of the fittest in a world where only a few actually get it. Be happy with what you got and then strive to seek the life that you and only you know that God has for you. At the same time, know your limits and know your boundaries. We should all have them because we don't want to do something stupid and end up murdered. When we ask God to remove the limits and boundaries, we're asking him to strengthen us so that we can handle the responsibility that comes with having more - having more money and more blessings bestowed upon us. More money, more problems is what they say and it's the truth. If God knows you can't handle the problems, let alone the money, he may not be inclined to give it. Work on handling what you got and God will give you more. Be blessed.

Love,

KM

Making progress

I'm making progress. I used to feel like such a complete failure, which I am in certain areas, I have to admit. I tried, it didn't work out, so I failed. It is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all. Right. So, I keep it moving. I'm making progress, though. I'm not where I used to be and I'm better off right now than I was two years ago, two months ago and two days ago. I'm making progress and that's alright with me;

Relationships

Relationships are hard. I'll be the first to admit. I am now engaged and it's a struggle trying to stay on the same page. We love each other and we have a son, so we make it work. I do believe that we are compatible, but like any other couple, we do have things to work on.

Men and women are different. People are different. Based on our experiences, we may view the world differently. It's wonderful to come in contact with someone who has the same view as you, but more times than not, it's all about compromise and trying to see eye to eye. Sometimes, you just have to agree to disagree. Is it all really worth it? Choose your battles. We only have this one life to live. The reality is, we're all going to have our date with death at one time or another, so we might as well live our life to the fullest. Arguing and nitpicking with our mates over pettiness is not a way to live one's life to the fullest. I'm making a commitment to God and I'm not turning back. Life is just too short to be angry, mad upset and pissed off all the time. We all have to learn to get along and respect one another as people if nothing else.

I'm moving on and I'm not holding on to the past. It's easier said than done, I know that. How do you let go of something that hurt you so deeply. How do you just pick up and move on like it never happened? I believe that like everything in life, getting over the past is a process and it doesn't happen over night. The good thing is that God will cover you as you're going through and when you come out bright as new the world will seem like a whole new place and your perspective will be livelier than ever.

We can't give up before we get to the good part. We have to keep going and we have to keep pressing on. God is the end all be all. He will be your strength, your pillar, your stronghold, whatever you need him to be and he will do it lovingly and with care. I'm so glad to have found the Lord within or I don't know how I would make it. He gives me guidance and the strength I need to face the challenges of each day and the challenges of my life. The challenges are getting to be less and less and the rewards are starting to come. I'm learning to see my cup as half full rather than half empty. Until next time, be blessed.

Love,

KM

Toxic People

You have to let it go. You can't keep letting it bother you and get into your life and under your skin. Toxic people can ruin your life if you let them. You ever had someone who just kept pushing your buttons and literally ticking you off and you just couldn't seem to get rid of them? Smile, don't let it bother you any more and they'll go away. Toxic people get off on your misery. They get off on making you mad and upset. It makes them feel as if they have power over you. I'm stripping toxic people of their power over me. I'm putting a cap on my buttons and shutting the door to my heart. You now have to knock to get in and if I don't open the door, then the message is clear. Keep it moving.

Life

Life is something that I contemplate every day. I wonder why I'm here, why I stay. It get's rough sometimes. It's interesting to me how we can sometimes complain and feel like life is just too much and we literally want it to hurry up and end, but if given the opportunity to end our life, we do everything we can to hold on to it. There must be something good. That's what each of our challenge is, to find the good. We have to get to the good part before we throw in the towel.

Suicide is something that I've contemplated on many occasions. I'm not going to lie and I will be transparent. I wanted to die. I wanted to end my life and I couldn't go on. Each and every time I would get to that point, Jesus would come in like a storm and wipe the feeling away. And I'd be okay for a little while and then the feeling would return. I'd get overwhelmed by what I didn't have and what I had not yet achieved and the outside pressure to not feel like a failure would make life seem like it wasn't worth living. I was so dissapointed in myself.

I had my son and I just knew that I would never have a bout with suicidal feelings again. I was wrong. They crept in. I cried and I cried because I just couldn't leave him. No one and I mean no one does it like mama. I even tried to justify that perhaps he would grow up independently and he wouldn't need me. I don't want him to be a needy person. I tried to make him my reason for living. I couldn't do it. I had to find it within. I had to heal and I had to finally face the fact of what was causing me to feel suicidal. I faced it. I processed it in my mind and I bound it in the name of Jesus. It can no longer rule and reign in my life. Prayer works and God can perform miracles. I'm a living witness to the fact.

God is good and life is good. Don't give up. Keep going. Even when haters and adversaries try to come in and make you miss out on your blessings, it's just not worth it to let any one else be happy on the account of your misery. They have problems, not you. Peace be with you and be blessed.

Love,

KM

Motherhood

I'm a new mommy and I have to say, I'm loving it. My son fulfills me in so many ways. I never imagined that one person would evoke so much love from within my soul. When I look at him deeply into his eyes and he smiles back at me, I feel like the world is at my finger tips. Being a new mom has its challenges. Changing diapers and being up at 2 o'clock in the morning to feed, soothe and rock back to sleep can be draining. The crying and fussing at times is off the chain. I've learned to keep him happy and to keep the noise level at a minimum;) For some reason, as a woman, you just do it and you go to work and you go on with your regular life just as fabulously as ever because you're a woman and you're wired to do it.

I love being a woman and I love all that it entails. I love having a son and showing him how he should be treated. My little one is only 8 going on 9 months and I feel as if I have so much to look forward to. It's wonderful to see him bond with his father. That's one thing I feel like I missed when I was growing up. I never had a strong bond with my father and I want that very much for my son. His father is doing an excellent job with him so far. We both love our son very much. I can't wait for life to happen with him in it. I look forward to being a family and doing all the things that families do together, lovingly and kindly with minimal drama. We go to church and try to keep the lines of communication open at all times. That's the only way we can grow together. Life is not without it's challenges, but if God is at the forefront then nothing can bring you down, it can only serve as a tool for growth.

Motherhood is something that I feel the Lord has been kind enough to let me experience in this lifetime and I don't take it lightly and I don't take it for granted. My son is my pride and joy. I want to be a good mother to him and I do everthing I can to be just that. Until next time, be blessed.

Love,

KM